I like a girl from my college. She is funny and sweet. She seemed to enjoy the attention and our friendship, and often blushed when I told her things or just complimented her. Last week, I decided to tell her how I feel about her and asked her out. However, she seemed a little surprised and turned me down. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and wanted to focus on her studies. I was very heartbroken as I really thought she felt the same way about me too. A few days later, I got to know that she started dating another guy from our college. I got mad and felt so horrible, how could I possibly fall in love with someone who is such a liar? What she did was so wrong… And still, I can’t stop being in love with her… not sure what is wrong with me. What should I do?
Thank you for writing in and sharing your heartbreaking experience with me. I’m so sorry that you had to have your feelings crushed. I bet it took a lot of courage to tell her how you felt and that is probably the only thing you need to hold on to right now – courage! Paulo Coelho wrote, ‘Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience’. There is nothing more liberating at times than telling people how you feel. What were your thoughts when you told her? Did you have any expectations when you expressed yourself or were you prepared for the worst too? Either way, focus on the strength and courage you showed to tell her how you felt.
It takes a strong heart to love and an even stronger heart to continue to love, after it’s been hurt. It is normal to ask the questions you’ve been asking yourself, but I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with you. Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver and heartbreak makes you wiser. What your friend did was definitely hurtful, but you can be responsible only for your own feelings, thoughts and actions, not hers. What you felt was real, so it won’t disappear overnight. Take the time to feel what you are feeling and when you’re ready to accept what happened, move forward. Don’t let the person who didn’t love you back keep you from the person who will. Sometimes all you need to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve. All the best.
My family and friends think that I am a very negative person. They say I am always grumbling, making a big issue out of trivial things and that I can never be happy with the way things are. I feel like if I do that, I might be settling for less than I deserve. I always feel like better things are out there so why settle? I sometimes feel like all bad things happen only to me and that my luck just does not seem to turn around. How can I be more positive?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. I will agree with you and say that there are always better things out there but you need to ask yourself if what you have right now makes you happy or not? You need to be thankful for what you have, while not settling for less than you can be. If you’re not helping to making things right, then you need to stop complaining about what is wrong. Grumbling, complaining and seeing what’s wrong all the time won’t help you appreciate what is good. Gratitude will shift you to a higher frequency and you will attract much better things.
Bad things happen to everyone. You can either let it define you, destroy you or strengthen you. Luck can do little in these situations but by changing your perspective, you will learn to stress less about the things you cannot control. Rise above the little things. Don’t over think! When we think too much, we create problems that never existed.
Hal Elrod wrote, ‘Love the life you have while you create the life of your dreams’. Think positive thoughts and stay thankful. Bad things help us appreciate the goodness of the good things that come our way. All the best.
Do write in with any queries you may have at firstname.lastname@example.org
Until next time, be kind and stay thankful.
(The columnist is psychologist and counsellor, currently working as a school counsellor.)