Taaniya Radhakrishna Kirtani
Hope… To know what hope means to me, we will have to go through the story of this 20 years old girl named Aayra.
Aayra was born in a middle class family and she was the youngest among two siblings. She was very smart and a bright student since her childhood. She was a favourite student of all her teachers and they really expected her to be a successful person in life. She was now planning her goals for future, which were actually tentative.
Days passed, years passed…Aayra was now in the 4th grade. Looking at her intelligence, one day, the headmistress of her school called her parents and told them, “Aayra is a very smart child and she would really do well if she gets better education in a good school. There is no future for her in this village. I suggest you take admission in some good private school in the city, it will be really helpful for her.”
After going back home Aayra’s parents had a discussion about what to do and they decided to move to city for their daughter’s better education. Aayra was quite upset with this decision because she didn’t want to be apart from her friends, but somehow her parents convinced her and she believed that this will help her meet the expectations of all her beloved ones.
Finally they moved to a city and got her admission done in one of the best schools there. She started doing well in studies, extracurricular activities as well as sports.
Years passed like days, “I want to become a teacher, I want to become a singer, I want to become a dancer, I want to become a model” with these different thoughts in mind, Aayra finally passed her 9th grade and entered 10th grade. She was now focused and serious about her studies and career. She decided that after her 10th grade she will take admission in science stream as she wanted to become either a doctor or an engineer.
But she had no idea that this 10th grade would be the turning point in her life. She started working hard soon after the academic year began but destiny had planned something else for her. She now started falling ill. Everyone felt that she is over stressed due to studies or having some anxiety. Some even felt that she is pretending to be sick because she wouldn’t be able to do well in the exams or that she now has become lazy, she must be distracted and so on…
Her health condition was becoming worse day by day. Her parents were now worried for her, they took her from one doctor to another but all said the same thing, “She is fine, she must be stressed and over-thinking about her exams, this happens with many students.”
She had become very weak and pale. And finally one day, a doctor after taking the x-ray, gave a heart breaking news to her parents, “She has lung cancer, her immune system has become very weak. Her condition is not so good and she needs to be treated soon otherwise it will be too late.”
Her parents burst into tears. It was a really big shock for them. But they decided that they will stand strong and do anything just to save their daughter’s life. They spoke to the doctor and got their daughter hospitalised for the treatment but she was thinking about her school, her exams, her career all the time. She didn’t wish to be imprisoned in those four walls of a hospital room. After some days Aayra was discharged and asked to take bed rest at home but she was not ready to stay at home all the time so sometimes she would go to school and this affected her health even more. Her condition was very serious and she was not allowed to go to school at all. She would now lay in bed throughout the day, dreaming about her future. She was just 15 and battling for life. Her parents spent all the savings; her mother sold all her jewellery to collect money for her daughter’s treatment. Aayra was now fed up of lying in bed like a helpless person. Already two months had passed and she was now thinking of how she would make up for those 2 months where she remained absent from school. She started getting worried that whether she will be allowed to answer the exams, if she will be able to score good marks to get admission for science, if she will be able to become a doctor or an engineer and whether she will be alive to do all these.
She was feeling guilty that because of her everyone in the family is upset and that they are spending everything they had to save her life. She owed them a lot. She was now losing hope with regards to her career and goals because of which she also lost interest in living anymore. Every day she would pray to die, she didn’t want to trouble her family anymore, she didn’t want to see her dreams remaining as dreams forever, she felt that she had no reason left to live. She even thought of committing suicide to get rid of her cancer and also that feeling of helplessness.
She wanted someone to listen to her, someone with whom she can share her feelings, her sorrows but sadly she didn’t have anyone so, she began expressing her feelings through her writings, she would use some imaginary characters that would depict her story.
Her condition was not improving, her hair was chopped off. She would cry looking at her old pictures and remembering the old good memories. She was slowly going under depression now, the medication had no effect on her body, and she stopped eating and even drinking water. She would hardly speak anything and would just lie in the bed like a lifeless body. She was now hopeless and was waiting for the last day of her life.
After a few days she heard the mobile conversation between her mother and her aunt. She heard that her mother was crying and telling her aunt that… “she has lung cancer, her condition has become very critical, medicines have stopped showing any effects, she doesn’t eat, doesn’t talk, just lies in the bed like a lifeless person and doctor has told now that there are less chances of her being alive, I really can’t see her like this, she was my brave and strong girl but now, she is not what she was.. I want my daughter back just the way she was…” Her mother cried a lot, she was not aware that her daughter was listening to her. After listening to the conversation and knowing what pain her mother is going through, Aayra realised it that she can overcome her health issues if she has a strong will power. There is no peace in the death but success gives a peaceful life, anyways she was just 15 she could have restarted her life and give it a fresh start. Wasting one year or taking a break for one year can bring lifetime happiness to her family. She realised that suicide is cowardly act and she is a brave girl of her mother and she cannot give up like this. If her family has done so much to keep her alive even she should try a little to get better soon. She started taking proper medications, started eating on time and invested more time as it gave her inner peace.
Her health condition started improving gradually; she now would go to school on alternate days. In school her writings were appreciated by everyone and her teachers would tell her to go for arts and learn more of languages, arts is meant for her, she can be a very good writer if she continues writing. She was very motivated by the words of her teacher and decided that she will not take a break that year but rather she will study, pass and take admission for arts and continue with her writing. She was told by doctors and also few of the teachers to not to answer the exams as it was not convenient for her health. But, Aayra was firm with her decision and everybody was impressed with her dedication.
Finally with the help of her teachers she was able to study and answer the exams. She passed in all the subjects, took admission for arts and with a new hope, new aims, new goals she started her life again with the same passion. She was able to defeat the deadliest disease like lung cancer only because of that one hope she got from the tears of her mother.
Years passed… she is fully recovered now and has achieved a lot in the field of writing and she has no regrets of choosing arts stream rather she feels that she would have regretted if she would have chosen science just for the sake of others.
So this is the story of the girl who completely lost the hope but eventually learns what hope means due to her experiences and gets hope to live from her mother’s tears.
This is the story of Aayra… and yes!! Aayra is me.. I am Aayra and to me hope means never giving up, no matter what the situation is or what we have been going through… negativity cannot affect us until and unless we kill the hope inside us… to live a better and happy life we always need to keep hope alive…
(Writer is a mass communication student at Don Bosco College Panaji)
