Maria Fernandes
Talking about sex and answering children’s questions about it is a responsibility that most parents dread. Even otherwise confident and vociferous parents are tongue-tied and feel awkward when it comes to talking about puberty and where babies come from. But the subject shouldn’t be avoided. Parents can help foster healthy feelings about sex if they answer children’s questions in an age-appropriate way. So when should parents discuss the birds and bees with their children, and how?
“The age at which we have talks regarding sex with children has dropped from age 15 to 12. In the present scenario children are more aware of and have more information about sex than parents would like to admit. I would recommend that as parents are ultimately the child’s constant source of information, they should bring up the topic as and when it is comfortable. There is no hard and fast rule as to the right time and it need not be a formal task,” says psychologist, Mylin Rodrigues.
After learning about the body, curiosity about sex is a natural step. Sex education helps children understand about the body and helps them feel positive about their own bodies. Neelam Patki, parent of a 5-year-old says: “My son, the other day, asked me how a baby gets into a mummy’s stomach and I really was at a loss of words. I mean it is so weird explaining the sexual act to a child.” Another mum says: “My 4-year-old daughter asked me at the dinner table very loudly and clearly, what sex was and I didn’t know which side to look.” Younger children are interested in pregnancy and babies, rather than the sexual act itself. Under the age of 10, children are generally more interested in the differences between sexes. “When they ask a question, keep your answers specific to it and answer what is asked. When they grow older details could be then added. Also books and animated videos are another way to teach your children about sex. These help the child understand better as most children are visual rather than auditory. It is likely that the school will also conduct a sex education class around this time hence allow your discussions to compliment what was discussed in class. Ask your child what was shared in school to gauge how much they know, and clear doubts,” advises Rodrigues. These moments are teaching moments and are a good way to pass on information without making it seem like a moral speech or a lecture.
Don’t avoid questions because they make the situation awkward. Make yourself available to the child, or she will go right ahead and ask questions to someone else, and that can be dangerous. Also refer to body parts with their scientific names. Call a breast a breast. At this age, they don’t associate shame with the body. “Using euphemisms or funny names for body parts indicates a sense of taboo instead use the right names. They may sound medical, but there is no reason why the proper label shouldn’t be used when the child is capable of saying it. The words penis or vagina, should be stated matter-of-factly. This way, the child learns to use them in a direct manner, without embarrassment,” adds Rodrigues.
A talk on sex is also part of starting open communication with your child. Early, honest and open communication, between parents and children is very important, especially when your child becomes an adolescent. “Open communication when normal, paves the way for children to speak more openly with their parents about all the other trials of adolescence, such as falling in love, depression, as well as sexual issues, besides others,” says Rodrigues. Mahima Shroff, a parent says: “I believe sex education also helps in instilling family values and can be part of the discussions about sexuality in slightly older children.”
The best sex education strategy many psychologists believe is beginning a conversation about sex early and continuing that conversation as the child grows. This way parents can avoid giving one big, and perhaps, uncomfortable talk when the child reaches adolescence; by which time the child will already have got some information and also wrong information from his/her friends. When parents talk with their children about sex, they can make sure their children are receiving the right information. Parents should be a child’s first source of information about sex. Communicating the right information can protect children from risky behaviour as they grow up.
Studies show the more children are exposed to sexual images in the media, the more likely it is they will engage in sexual behaviours at a younger age. However, actual sex education does not lead to promiscuity. Children who receive sex education at home are actually less likely to engage in risky sexual activity. So turn off the television and get talking.