I am in class 10 and my performance has been dropping since the last academic year. I feel like I am losing my friends and it is all because of a student in my class, who I thought was my friend. She was new to the school and I invited her to join my group. She got along well with everyone but she soon began turning my own friends against me. Now when I see her, I feel really angry and I’m overwhelmed with negative emotions, so much so that I don’t feel like going to school sometimes. As much as I try not to let it affect me, I feel like I’m sinking even deeper. I don’t like feeling this way. Please help.
Thank you for writing in and sharing your situation with me. Negative people sure have a way of stirring the worst emotions within us. Life is hard and challenging, however, the only thing that goes on in your life is what you allow to go on in your life. A negative mind will never give you a positive life. Try not to let people who do so little for you, take so much control over your thoughts, feelings and actions. Mark Twain wrote ‘Don’t walk away from negative people – Run!’ When you allow the wrong people in your life, stuff usually tends to go missing like joy, peace, love, hope and faith. Yes, people steal these things! Learn to walk away from people who threaten your peace of mind, self-respect or self-worth.
Waking up with positive thoughts each day brings about a positive change in you. Once you realise how powerful your thoughts are, you will never want to think a negative thought again! Negative people somehow find a problem to every solution and they are best when kept far away. As for your friends, it doesn’t matter if they gave up on you, as long as you didn’t give up on yourself. You could try talking to them about how you feel. If that doesn’t better things, there is always scope to make new friends! After all, strangers are friends waiting to happen! New friends bring new energy. Surround yourself with people who make you happy and do more things that you love. Good luck.
I often feel like I’m not good enough and it really isn’t a nice feeling. I hardly ever answer in class even though I know the answer. When I am with my friends, I’m always nervous to share my opinion about different things as I’m scared of being judged. It tends to get a little suffocating at times and I wish I could just say what I want to but I just can’t figure out why it is so difficult. I hate feeling this way and now I feel so frustrated within. Really hate it.
Thanks for writing in and discussing your predicament with me. I am so happy that you decided to reach out for help and I can’t imagine the courage it must have taken you to do so.
Not being able to say how you feel can be very suffocating indeed. If you don’t like where you are, get moving! Indeed, there are some situations where silence is much better than saying the wrong thing but in most other cases, it is important to say how you feel. Life is too short to hide your feelings or restrict yourself from being who you truly are. Don’t let the fear of being judged stop you. Remember that when a person judges you, it doesn’t define who you are; it defines who they are. So be who you want to be and say what you feel. When you feel like you’re not good enough, you’re the only one doubting your worth, not the others. Over thinking leads to negative thoughts. You may not be perfect, but something about you must be awesome. Mistakes are proof that you are trying. Don’t be afraid of being different, be afraid of being the same as everyone else. Better an ‘oops’ than a ‘what if’. Life doesn’t require us to be the best, just that we try our best. Stop putting undue pressure on yourself. Remember that we are all a work in progress and we get there a little at a time, not all at once.
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Until next time, be kind to yourself.
(The columnist is psychologist and counsellor, currently working as a school counsellor.)