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Virginity: To lose or not to lose, that is the question

Dr Kedar Padte

“Are you a virgin?” Boisterina asked Secksneverika who said: “But of course I am.”

In response to her friends reply Boisterina went on to say that it’s nothing to be proud of and that at 23 years of age if one hasn’t indulged in an intimate relation it only means one has not looked at an important part of physical enjoyment closely.

Constantrina who was listening to the conversation said she had been planning to lose her virginity for some time now but had not managed to.

“You mean you want to lose your chastity?” asked Secksneverika. “And what would that mean?” replied Boisterina.

Chastity means refraining from deviant sexual conduct. The words chaste and chastity have Latin origins. The word Castus (pure) in Latin, used back in the 13th century, meant virtuous or pure from unlawful sex (extramarital sex). It was not until the 16th century that the word virginity and chastity were sort of clubbed.

In many a religion physical intimacy is considered a beautiful relationship between husband and wife as a part of god’s sacred plan. It is an expression of love within the marriage and allows a husband and wife to participate in the creation of life.

Boisterina giggled and said: “Secks, you did not have to convert every teenage conversation into an academic discussion. We are not writing an essay on virginity.” Constantrina interjected and asked what happens when one loses one’s virginity.

Boisterina responded with “When you have an intimate relation with a boy, the hymen gives way and that is called losing one’s virginity.”

There are many types of hymen such as anular, cresentic, cribriform, etc. At times the hymen may be a complete membrane that does not allow any menstrual blood to come out, this is called an imperforate hymen. The hymen is sometimes also very rigid and if it tears the result can be excruciating pain and bleeding. There are other girls whose hymen may be loose to begin with, and one may feel that one’s virginity has been lost when in fact it is not the case.

On the other hand a fibrous, tough annular hymen may remain intact despite regular sexual relations and the appearance would be that of a virgin even after marriage.

“Your knowledge on the subject of virginity is pretty vast for a person who is a virgin,” said Constantrina.

Seckneverica said she belongs to a very orthodox family that believes sexual relations should be indulged in only after marriage.

“And what will your husband do if you were to travel abroad for studies after your engagement?” asked Boisterina and then added “Get a chastity belt for you?”

Seckneverica was upset with Biosterina’s statement and said: “I am a disciplined person and do not need a chastity belt. These belts are ancient ideas used in the 12th or 13th century. They were made of cloth or leather with a locking system. Rulers could use them to prevent their queens from dabbling in promiscuous behaviour when they were away, for months, at war. At times they were forcibly used on teenagers to prevent rape.”

Constantrina was aghast and exclaimed “My god! Let’s get on before Seckneverika prevents us from thinking about intimacy, forever.”

As they walked to the canteen Constantrina asked Boistrina: “Do you think boys can be virgins?”

If a boy has never indulged in any sexual activity he should be called a virgin. You remember that 100 marks in math guy in our class? I am sure that he is a virgin geek said Boistrina and laughed.

And what about your boy friend asked Costantrina.

“I ensured he lost his virginity,” hollered Boistrina.


(Columnist is a well-known gynaecologist practising in Panaji. Send in your queries to


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