By Marilia Priyanka Fernandes
People sometimes just “get on our nerves.” The teacher who forever picks on you, the nagging neighbour next door, the over-demanding boss, the adolescent who is always acting out, the relative who keeps asking for “small favours”, the self proclaimed genius, the narcissist at a party.
The list is endless. In most of these situations there is nothing we can do about it. However, the anger, frustration, jealousy, loathing that arise due to these situations are very real and have to be dealt with. Punching a pillow, yelling at a subordinate, making excuses, falling ill, wishful thinking, criticising, blaming, laughing, ridiculing, writing a poem or painting a picture are different ways of dealing with these emotions. The father of psychoanalysis, Freud, and his followers termed these as defence mechanisms.
The mind has its own system of dealing with reality, especially when it becomes strenuous and unacceptable. Defence mechanisms protect the self from harmful emotions like anger, shame and sadness. The mind uses various techniques to deal with stressful situations, most of which are beyond our awareness. Some mechanisms are immature and help only in the short run. Others are positive, result in better adaptation to situations and enable a person to transcend the situation. Knowing the mind’s defences will lead to better awareness of the real problems we face.
Different defence mechanisms are seen throughout development. The most common ones seen in children and in some adults are projection, fantasy and somatisation. Children often complain of stomach aches when they don’t want to go to school. They can’t identify or express what exactly is stressing them but a stomach ache provides a tangible outlet. This is a classic example of somatisation, also seen in adults. In projection, a child will project his feelings onto another person or animal. A child who tells you her doll feels scared when left alone in the room is actually indirectly telling you how she feels when left alone. Fantasy is seen in children’s make-believe play. In adults this is restricted to the imagination called wishful thinking.
Other forms of defence mechanisms, equally immature but seen frequently in adolescents, are displacement, rationalisation and repression. Displacement occurs when you are not able to express your feelings to the person directly causing them and end up reacting to others with those feelings. A teenager cannot express his feelings to parents after a scolding so he slams his door, blasts music and takes it out on a younger sibling. The same occurs with adults, when upset with superiors they yell at subordinates. Rationalisation is best explained by the phrase “the grapes are sour.” Rather than accept defeat, we make excuses to explain our failure. Sometimes certain bad experiences or detrimental thoughts are unconsciously blocked by the mind as they would have a negative effect on present behaviour. As this is beyond our present awareness it is very difficult to control and understand.
The most mature and helpful defence mechanisms contribute positively to our growth. Some of them are altruism, sublimation and humour. Faced by difficult situations some people find solace in resolving to help others in similar situations. Many organisations that fight social problems are set up by people who once faced these same problems. Others choose to convert their feeling of anger and frustration into works of art or inventions that help people. The simplest way to diffuse stress is to look at the funny side of things. These last three require maturity and endurance. We should strive to adopt the constructive defences in life.
(The writer is a clinical psychologist)
