By Kirsten Davies
I spent my teenage years and early twenties believing that my weight was my worth; that I had to look and be a particular way to be accepted or loved.
I lived in a negative cycle of comparing myself to everyone
I look back now and wonder how many times I missed the fun and parties I was too scared to go to because I felt too fat or uncool or whatever negative feeling I was dwelling on at the time. At twenty-seven my boyfriend of three years dumped me, on the day I found out I was pregnant. Just a few months later he had a new girlfriend, a beautiful girl, who was also a single mother.
Destructive thoughts whizzed around my head in a very unhealthy manor. I had to learn to love myself. It wasn’t easy to start, but the first step was to stop comparing myself unfavourably to everyone, especially her. It was destroying me.
With everything that happens to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat it as a gift. One day I stumbled upon Wayne Dyer’s Your Erroneous Zone. It was the book that woke me up and made me realise only I could change the way I was seeing myself and my past. I had to accept what was, and most importantly, I had to learn to see myself in a different light.
At first I kept a list of everything nice anyone said to me. I started a gratitude journal. I went back to basics—appreciation, picking love over fear. I learned that just because he didn’t love me, that didn’t mean that I’m unlovable. Slowly but surely, I began to see my value. As a nutritionist, I help clients change their health everyday, so whenever I felt truly helpless I would find some who needed my help and offer it for free. For me, it was therapy.
Kindness therapy, you get what you give. I was giving love, and in return I found myself. If you ever feel helpless, reach out and help someone. You never know the ripple effect of the kindness you spread. These small things helped me realise that while I may not look like a Victoria’s Secret model, I am still a worthwhile human being who has the ability to help people. I also started to see that even those who appear to have it all to the outside world often still have their own issues going on. I realised that having looks doesn’t protect you from heartbreak or sadness.
Comparison and envy are destructive forces that steal away contentment and block the flow of love. We don’t have to prove we are good enough to anyone; we just have to realise we were born worthy of love, and we’re lovable exactly as we are. So don’t live a half-life comparing yourself to others. We all—every single human being—deserve to be loved by others and to love others. But first we need to love ourselves. Love yourself just as you are. You as much as anyone else in the world deserve your own love.
No One Is Perfect and We All Deserve Love
By Kirsten Davies