This has been our first week back at school. Most of my friends are in the other division and I feel so lost without them. I have a few friends in this class but I don’t consider them as close as the others. I don’t feel like going to school sometimes because of this. I fear that my best friends will stop including me in their plans and will slowly forget about me. I’ve seen it happen with a few others in the past. I am not usually this insecure but I’m worried…
Thank you for your email and for sharing your worrying situation with me. Not having your friends in your class can be difficult and a new experience too, but certainly not one that needs to worry you. Surely you feel alone right now, but it seems like you’ve already found the silver lining – the few friends who are in your class. Maybe that friendship is something you could invest in – the only way to have a friend, is to be one. There are two quotes that always riddle me – “Out of sight, out of mind” and “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Both these are absolutely true but the amazing reality behind it lies entirely on which one you choose in every situation. There is no harm in starting new friendships, even though you have many from before. Good friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but you know they are there. Your friends must surely miss you too and by making the effort to meet you whenever possible and keeping in touch outside of school too, will only reassure you of how true and strong your friendship is. Fear and worry robs today of its peace, strength and happiness. Stop worrying about what can go wrong and be excited about what can go right. The future depends on what we do in the present and the best way to predict it is by creating it. All the best.
My current class teacher hates me. She used to teach me one subject in class nine and always picked on me whether it was my fault or not. When I found out she was going to be my class teacher, I was most upset. This is my last year of school and I was hoping it would be special. Now she will make my life hell and ruin it for me. I really don’t know what to do… it’s only been a week, but I keep hoping she falls sick and won’t have to come to school. It’s really mean, but I don’t know what else to do.
Thanks for writing in and for sharing your troubling situation with me. I’m so sorry that you got served with a plate of fries when you were actually expecting some yummy sushi. People’s opinion of you is a reflection of them, not you. Everyone has a right to their opinion. What matters the most is what you think of yourself. Maybe your teacher had a problem with you in the last academic year but that might have changed this year. Have you ever tried clarifying if she is really upset with you and why? Teachers seem a little terrifying in class but are usually quite different in a 1:1 interaction.
Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be – Marsha Petrie Sue. Don’t let your fears limit you. Fear has two meanings – Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours. The way you see yourself and feel about yourself will have a tremendous impact on how far you go in life. Set goals and targets for yourself. Let your hard work and success speak for you and surely, it will change the relationship your teacher shares with you. Shift your focus from the past to your future. For all you know, she might end up being your favourite teacher, by the end of the academic year. Negative thought will only hold you back, weigh you down and drain your energy. Positive thoughts will give you more energy, lift you up and set you free. Choose wisely. Wishing you and your teacher the best of health, happiness and success.
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Take care. Don’t let the rains dampen your spirit.
(The columnist psychologist and counsellor, currently working as a school counselor)