OPEN HEART

I am a 23-year-old boy. There is a girl who loved me since childhood. A few months ago I accepted her and we were in a relationship. We were happy, but her family was not.

She tried a lot to keep our relationship good, but because of my negative thoughts I said many bad words to her. She still loves me but now she is hurt because of the bad words I said to her. I want her and I can’t leave her because of true love. Now I know what true love is. What should I do? I want her and I don't want to break relations with her. She wants me too but because of my bad words she can't be with me. I am in tension. Every day and night I think of her. Please give me some suggestions.

Dear Distressed

Saying bad words to someone you love doesn’t show that you love them. If you want her back you will have to change your language. It must be difficult for her to continue a relationship when she has no support from home and even you are rude to her. Since you love her so much and you say she still loves you, getting your relationship back won’t be too difficult. You have to apologise to her. Tell her how much she means to you and that you are sorry for your behaviour. Then really make an effort to change your behaviour. You could even ask for her help. Every time you say negative things or bad words, tell her to bring it to your notice. This way you will become aware of your thoughts and behaviour, and will be able to make a positive change. 

 

I’m a 22-year-old girl. I have just started working a few months back. I like the job and my colleagues are nice but there’s just one problem. My immediate senior has been hitting on me. He is always commenting on my clothes and appearance in front of others. He stares at me and finds some excuse to bump into me in corridors. He asks me personal questions, even in front of others. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone about this. All this is stressing me and I dread going to work. But it’s a good job and everything is nice. I don’t want to give it up just because of this jerk. All this while I have been quietly tolerating all the nonsense. I don’t reply to his questions but he has not stopped harassing me. I’m too afraid to say something as I feel he will take revenge and harass me at work. What should I do?

Dear Harassed

You really have a senior from hell. I understand the distress you must be going through. What you are experiencing is workplace harassment. The more you put up with it, the more it will continue. You have two options. Let him know that you do not appreciate being spoken to in this particular manner as you find it offensive. Say this boldly and in front of your colleagues when he is harassing you. If you stand up to him he will know he cannot mess with you in future. Or you can inform either a senior person in the human resource department or a senior person in your own department about this situation. Make sure you choose a person who has a higher designation and whom you are comfortable with. Tell him/her that this situation is distressing you a lot and that you did not report it earlier as you were afraid he would harass you more if he came to know. You don’t have to worry about anything as HR departments are used to dealing with such incidents. Also, in future, if someone is saying or doing something you don’t like, never keep quiet. Keeping quiet encourages them to continue their offensive behaviour. Always let the other person know that you will not tolerate anything that is against you.

           

 (To get your personal queries answered by clinical psychologist Marilia P Fernandes send them to counsellor.nt@gmail.com)