I’m in class 10. My family is very traditional; they don’t believe in having a relationship with the opposite sex at this age. This is quite frustrating as they have a problem even if I have friends who are boys. I recently began to feel attracted to a boy I met at tuitions. Nobody knows about it except for two of my school friends. My older brother asked me about it once and warned me not to get into all this. I’m very scared and feel guilty. I don’t want to go against my family values and bring shame upon my family. How can I stop feeling so horrible about myself?
Thank you for your email and for sharing your troubled situation with me. Not being able to have friends who are boys can be quite difficult and mildly regressive in the somewhat modern world we live in. I think most parents don’t allow this for the fear that it might lead to attraction, distraction and wrong actions! However, a few of these are just an inevitable part of growing up.
Feeling attracted to the opposite sex at your age is a very natural thing and there shouldn’t be any feelings of shame or guilt attached to it. I once read a quote by Maureen Johnson who said: “Guilt isn’t always a rational thing. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.” We often allow guilt to consume us but you must remember that you can start over at any time. The fact that you haven’t acted on your feelings means that you have given the situation some careful thinking and weighed the pros and cons. This shows a sense of maturity and wisdom and shouldn’t leave you feeling horrible or guilty. Thinking of the consequences when making a decision is usually a good way to begin.
Relationships are filled with the unexpected. It is important to grow and know oneself well before getting into a relationship. Perhaps, focussing on yourself, your goals and dreams could be a priority at this time as it is a crucial year for you. And as you reach closer to these, love will definitely surprise you.
All the best.
My confidence level over the years has dropped down to its lowest. I am a very sensitive person and take what people say to me very personally. Over the years, my family has been saying mean things to me as my marks in the exam were slowly going downhill. They were hoping that it would instead motivate me to do better but it’s been working in reverse. Every time I tried to work hard, I’d think of what they said the last time and get lost in those thoughts and feelings, making way for history to repeat itself. I don’t know how to get back to my old self and achieve my goals anymore. I feel so worthless. Help.
Thank you for writing in and discussing your feelings with me. Feelings are just like waves, let them come and go. Sometimes all you need to do is forget what you feel and remind yourself of what you deserve and move towards it. It is really hard to hear the people you love tell you things that you’d never want to hear or feel (some of which won’t even be true). But when people hurt you with their words and actions, think of them as sandpaper. They scratch and hurt you but later you will be the one shining and polished. When you know your worth, nobody can make you feel worthless. It is what you think of yourself, that counts.
Obstacles are put in your way to see if what you want is really worth fighting for. Believe in yourself. Inhale confidence, exhale doubt. When you think you can and when you think you can’t, you are right. Choose what you think very carefully. Life never gets easier, you just get stronger. Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Go ahead and fill it with faith, positivity and love. When life puts you through the next test, don’t say “Why me?” say “Try me”. Work hard and let your success speak the next time. Shine on!
It is not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself and to make your happiness a priority. It is necessary. – Mandy Hale
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Until next time, take care!