I am 23-years-old and I am getting married. For the last 5 months, my fiancé and I have been talking over the phone, as ours is a long distance relationship.

We have met each other twice in person. I’m a bit of an introvert. I don’t speak much and don’t share most of the things that I don’t wish to share. I suddenly get upset if something happens; I get frustrated and don’t recover from it soon. He often feels that I don’t speak much and this makes him angry and then we don’t speak normally for 2 to 3 days. He is good, caring, loving, understanding, and I like him and he likes me too. But this misunderstanding sometimes makes our life confusing. Please help me. What should I do?
Dear Sensitive
A relationship is a two way street. It cannot survive if there is no give and take. And good communication is one of the most essential qualities of a successful relationship. There could be a number of reasons you don’t feel like talking to him. Perhaps you are still not comfortable enough with him or you feel at a loss while communicating your thoughts, needs and desires. You need to resolve the problem soon, as you are taking a big leap and going to marry this person. Firstly, make it known to him that you don’t like talking much but you are trying to change yourself. Ask him to be supportive and understand you while you change. If you don’t ask, he will not know. Start with small matters, and then move on to discussing emotions and bigger matters. Good, honest communication can leave you feeling vulnerable. But there is risk in every relationship – the risk of getting hurt. However, if you want your relationship to grow, you have to start communicating better.
 
I’m a 21-year-old boy in a relationship with 19-yea- old girl. We both belong to the same religion and met in college. Now we are in second year. We both love each other and have decided to marry each other. I have assured her that I will marry only her. She doesn’t like dating and meeting each other. In her home everybody knows that I’m her classmate but nobody knows that we are in a relationship. Her dad is a very religious man and is against love marriages. Her father knows me as her classmate. He meets me every day at the mosque. I’m scared if he comes to know about our relationship, he won’t accept me. She said she won’t date me without her parents’ permission. In my family my mom and dad are strict. I don’t know how to tell them. I promised her that as soon as I get a good job I will tell my parents about our relationship. She wants me to tell my parents as soon as possible about our relationship so that we don’t have to live in fear. Should I tell my parents about my relationship or should I wait for a good job?
Dear Confused
Since both your parents are strict, it would be better to wait. Tell your girlfriend that it will be easier for you to speak to your parents as well as hers about marriage only when you are financially independent. You will have to restrict meeting each other and keep the relationship to yourselves for a while. Once you have a good job, it will be much easier to convince parents. You also don’t have to wait too long as you are already 21 and will be in the job market very soon. Remember, patience pays in the long run.

I am 20-year-old boy in a relationship with a girl for nine months. It was really smooth at first, but now things are messed up for me. She told me that I have hurt her. I tried to ask her about it but she says forget it. If I don’t come to know what wrong I have done, then I'll always feel guilty. I don’t want to force her because I love her. But I am feeling guilty. I want to know what wrong I have done. I don’t want to hurt her. Please help me.
Dear Guilty
You have done your duty in asking her how you have hurt her. If she doesn’t tell you, it’s not worth punishing yourself with guilt feelings. However, please ensure the genuineness of your girlfriend. Is she trying to induce guilt feelings in you for some other reasons? Is this some emotional game of hers? If she is interested in your well being and in the growth of the relationship she will tell you what hurt her. If she doesn’t, but continues to blame you for hurting her, then you need to review this relationship.
(To get your personal queries answered by clinical psychologist Marilia P Fernandes send them to counsellor.nt@gmail.com)