It's going to be a year since I proposed to the guy I loved. This guy was working with my brother on the ship. Before he went on ship he told me that many guys will come into my life, but not to fall in love with any of them.
Maybe he had feelings for me but couldn’t tell me. He broke up with his girlfriend because she had a relationship with another guy. He told me to stay away from this guy, but I wanted to find out if he was telling me the truth, so I added this person on Facebook. After a day I gave this new guy my number (I was supposed to change my number). Maybe this was my mistake. That same day I proposed to the guy on the ship. Two days later he called me but I didn’t recognise his voice. I thought the other guy had called and said his name. Realising my mistake I cut the call. When I met him online he asked me who that guy was. I lied to him saying my friend, but then I told the truth. He has lost his trust in me since then. He refuses to accept me again as he thinks I went out with that other guy and slept with him. Now he says that I’m 8 years younger to him and so I will ditch him. I love him a lot. I cut contact with him and his sister, but the love makes me come back to him with hope that one day he will accept me. How do I make him believe I never went out with that other guy? He also doesn’t like my looks. Why is that I keep going back even though he clearly told me he doesn’t like me now. He hates my looks and my lifestyle. What should I do?
Why are you interested in a person who doesn’t like your look or your lifestyle or you? You made a mistake. No one is perfect. If this guy can’t understand that it was a mistake then he doesn’t deserve your time or attention. If it’s been one year since you have cut contact with him, then it is better you move on and stop thinking of him.
I am 23-year-old, working in the hotel industry. I love a boy and even he loves me lot. But he is not ready to marry me as he saying he has some family problem and he doesn't want my life to get spoiled after getting married to him. When I asked him about his problem he said he has two sisters who have to get married and his house actually doesn’t belong to him. Please help me out.
If you are willing to understand his problems and have patience to wait till he solves them, then I’m sure he might change his current stance. However, this is only if his reasons are genuine and not just some excuse to avoid you. You need to talk this out with this boy and find out his real intentions. But if you are in a hurry to get hitched then there is little that this boy can do given his situation.
I’m a 28-year-old Catholic girl in love with a boy from Kerala for the last 8 years. He is born and brought up here and is financially well off. We love each other very much. He is ready to convert but my parents are against our marriage. They don’t want to see his face as he is non-Catholic. He has helped me a lot financially. If I leave him for my parents he will take his life and if I marry him my parents will not look at me again. They told me they will sell our house and other things and will live in an old age home if I get married to him as this will spoil my parents’ name. I’m stuck between my lover and my parents. I’m very tense and exhausted and don’t get sleep at night. If I marry another boy I’ll not be happy as I’ll be breaking my lover’s heart and spoiling his life.
You are in a very difficult situation. It is not easy to give up a relationship that has lasted so long, neither is it easy to cut ties with your parents. You don’t have to get married to someone else if you don’t want to. This is a tough decision to make. Hence, it has to be made carefully, keeping in mind the pros and cons of each outcome. If you decide to marry this guy, will you have a support system if things go bad between you? Or will you be all alone? This is an important question as you will not have immediate support since your parents will stop talking to you. Take your time to make your decision as it will affect you deeply. In the mean time try and convince your parents of your relationship and your happiness with this guy. If you need help in deciding you could speak to a counsellor.
(To get your personal queries answered by clinical psychologist Marilia P Fernandes send them to firstname.lastname@example.org)