I am a 21-year-old Catholic and I am in love with a Hindu boy for the last 4 years. We love each other a lot and plan to tell our parents about our relationship. But we know that our parents will not accept us because of our religious differences.

His parents do not know anything about us but my parents know him as my friend. My parents have told me that if there is anything between him and me then they will commit suicide. I am confused and don’t know what to do as I love my parents and I am their only daughter. My guy doesn’t like the idea of running away from our homes and sometimes even I feel the same. He is a nice guy. He doesn’t have any bad habits. The only problem is our religion. What should I do? Please help.

Dear Confused

Almost every relationship is great in the beginning because the couple spends only a few hours with each other and they don’t have any major challenges like finances and children to worry about. Hence, it is difficult to realise the seriousness and challenges that marriage poses. Telling your parents will result in a huge emotional struggle for both of you, specially for you. It would be better to first decide with your boyfriend if this conflict will be worth it. Are you thinking of marriage? If so, then have you considered the challenges a mixed marriage throws? What religion will you follow? What dress you will have to wear? What are the lifestyle changes you will have to make? What are the current things in your life you will have to give up? And most importantly, who will you turn to for support when things become difficult? How will you manage finances? Only once you have decided these things rationally will you know whether it is worth putting your parents and yourself through this emotional struggle. Your parents have already started using emotional blackmail against this relationship. If this is only the beginning, it could get much worse later on. You are still 21-years-old, take your time to make these decisions as you may have a different perspective two years from now.

I had a friend who was really close to me for the last 2 years. Everyone used to think that we were more than just friends. One night I said something very bad to him for which he is not ready to forgive me. I said sorry to him but it’s of no use. I need my friend back. What should I do?

Dear Repentant

There isn’t much more you can do as you have accepted your mistake and have already apologised. Now it’s up to him to accept it. You can’t force him to accept it. Give him some time to get over the incident and try apologising again. This time you could try telling him why you are sorry and the many reasons he makes your life better. Tell him it was an honest mistake and try to watch your words next time. If he still doesn’t accept your apology, then you need to question the friendship itself.   

I'm a 19-year-old extrovert. Even though I have friends I feel lonely. I like to hang out with friends but my parents don’t allow me to go anywhere as they are worried something bad may happen to me. I don’t understand why I feel lonely though I have friends. My friends have boyfriends and they spend most of the time with them. Sometimes I’m happy, sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m totally mute. I can't concentrate on my studies. I don’t know what happens to me. My mom is a doubting person. If I come a little late she doubts me and asks where I was and why I’m late. I don’t like this. Sometimes I feel frustrated but I can't get that frustration out of my mind. I think I need someone in my life to share each and everything with, but no one is there for me. I feel like crying. Please help.

Dear Lonely

Given your situation it is quite natural to feel lonely and sad. You don’t need a special someone to feel happy. You can choose to create your own happiness. If your friends don’t have time for you, then are they really your friends? Try making new friends. Bring your friends to your house so your parents become familiar with them. They will feel better when they know you are with known persons rather than strangers. Tell them you know they are concerned about your safety, and you will let them know where you go and with whom. Instead of reaching home late and making them worry about you, give them a call and let them know you will be late. This way they will learn to trust and respect you. You will have to do this gradually. Don’t expect them to change overnight. If you have patience, you will be able to turn around your situation.

I am a 20-year-old girl. I was in a relationship with a boy who is elder to me by 3 years. For a few months we used to contact each other sporadically. Even after the biggest fight we used to mend everything well. Mostly I was the one to break the ice. I used to love him madly but he has cheated on me, told lies and a lot of rubbish things about his past which made me almost mad and because of it my health was affected. I tried really very hard and now I have mental peace. We have not been in contact for more than 3 months. Two days back I got a missed call and a message from him to which I didn’t reply. So he sent another message the very next day. Now I really don’t know what to do. Please suggest something regarding this? I really don't understand what he has in mind.

Dear Mature

You have made a very good decision to end things with this guy. Please stick to it. He obviously doesn’t know how to respect you. I doubt that this has changed. You can definitely find a guy who knows to treat you with respect. Tell him it’s over and you’re not interested in interacting with him. If he still persists, then to make it easier give him a good excuse.

(To get your personal queries answered by clinical psychologist Marilia P. Fernandes send them to counsellor.nt@gmail.com)