By Amita Quenim
A time in life, when all needs is to count on destiny, is old age. It is a time when you are answerable to yourself, for the good or bad you think you have done to others and to yourself. I would call it a time when you cannot escape through a hidden door.

You are at a stage when you can either be practical, attention seeking, fault finding, carefree or a person who leaves behind a legacy of his experience, creativity and wealth. Which category you want to belong to depends on you.
It is the final phase in a natural process of life, and those who experience this phase have been blessed with a complete life on earth.
There cannot be a specific age that places you in this category called old age. You never grow old; you just stop growing if you feel old. At times you hear people at 40 saying they are old and at times you meet someone who at 80 lives a happy contended life and makes you feel young at heart. Some people pause, some smile, some fear, some enjoy and some just don’t bother. I wonder which of them is right. Perhaps all of them are right. It is the reaction of their circumstances that at that time. Few important questions that need to be reflected on are: What happens to the personality in old age? What is successful ageing and how can it be measured? How do personal relationships change in old age and what is their effect on wellbeing? What are the characteristics of long-term marriages in late life?
Let’s try and find answers as we reflect on these questions.
Personality, formed and built up over the years, is the foundation on which the valuable span of life depends. Hostile people are unlikely to mellow much with age and optimistic people are likely to remain their hopeful selves. Those with extraverted personalities (outgoing and socially oriented) tend to retain their positivity throughout life. People with neurotic personality (moody, touchy, anxious and restless) tend to remain with negative thoughts throughout life. Certain persistent patterns contribute to adaptation to ageing and may even predict health and longevity.
Measuring successful ageing is a million dollar question. Researchers define it in many ways. Some focus on the criteria of cardiovascular functioning, cognitive performance and mental health.
Some researchers focus on productivity, economic or otherwise as an important criterion for a meaningful and healthy life and yet others look at longevity which is a sign of physical and mental health. Another approach examines subjective experience, which includes how well individuals attain their goals and how satisfied they are with their lives.
Personal relationships act as a booster to the older generation and their well being is directly connected to it. They are enriched by the presence of long time friends and family members. They often let go opportunities for increased social contacts. They are very satisfied with smaller networking however, social contacts are important for their wellbeing. They become increasingly selective about the way and with whom they spend their time. Their level of tolerance with friends and family is strongly selective for their happy and healthy survival. They tend to be satisfied with fewer relationships.  
The long term marriage in late life is like a definition written in golden ink. It is very different for a man as compared to a woman to describe the change in needs at that stage. For an older man, being married itself seems to have health and other benefits, but for an older woman, health seems to be linked to the quality of marriage. Spouses who are still together late in life are likely to have worked out their differences and arrive at mutually satisfying accommodations.
The meaning of relationship at that stage is not something that can be demanding, but it works only with complete sense of understanding, compassion and freedom of thought, expression and movement, with each other and independently too. It involves mutual give and take, Friendship between the older couple is no longer linked to parenting and work, but it focuses on companionship and support.
There are only two ingredients the older generation can live with, and that is love and understanding, which they are ready to buy at any cost.
Give it to them, you owe it to them today, and you deserve the same tomorrow when you realise there is no escape through a hidden door.
Enjoy the age that allows you to watch the world from your rocking chair as you enjoy the fruits of your labour that you leave back for your loved ones to rock the world further.
The world salutes the generation that’s left behind the legacy of experience, creativity and wealth of knowledge and heritage. The very definition of life is, when you get the chance to smile at successfully ageing on a rocking chair.
(The writer is a clinical psychologist)