Since last month I have observed that I am always sad and depressed. Every day I read articles, watch videos to try to be happy but it is only for a short time. When I emailed you some time ago about the boy I liked he was just using me, you suggested I stay away from him and I did. These days I always think negative in any situation, and many thoughts keep coming to my mind. I feel guilty when I see other people happy. I fear loneliness. Sometimes unnecessary thoughts attack my mind and I am unable to concentrate. Whenever I try to follow my heart, my mind starts giving instructions according to all the articles I read. I am totally confused about how to handle myself in a proper way and live fully in the present. Every day I need to motivate myself by looking into the mirror even though things are going right. Kindly recommend something effortless to stay happy all the time.
Thank you for writing in and sharing your predicament with me. I am so happy that you decided to choose your happiness as a priority and walk away from being treated like an option in the boy’s life. ‘The key to being happy is knowing that you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go’ – Dodinsky. Sometimes your heart needs a little more time to accept what your mind already knows. Keep reminding yourself that you are strong enough to face it all, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.
Take all the time you need to accept that walking away was the best thing you could’ve done for yourself. Thankfulness is the beginning of happiness.
Two things prevent us from happiness – living in the past and comparing ourselves to others. You might want to quit pressuring yourself to be happy all the time too, as it will only stress you out. Avoid comparing yourself to others. There is no comparison between the sun and the moon, they shine when it’s their time.
Life is full of ups and downs. The trick is to enjoy the ups and have courage during the downs.
Do little things that make you happy every day. Spend time with people who make you smile and laugh. Loneliness is not being alone, it’s the feeling that nobody cares. Learning to be alone (occasionally) can be quite empowering too as it teaches you a lot about yourself. Learn new skills or find a way to help others using your talents. Being around people will keep your mind creatively and positively engaged.
Remember, the grass is always greener where you water it. All the best.
There is a boy who follows me every time I go for tuitions. He has now begun to come to my school and sometimes roams around near my house. I don’t know who he is and I am scared. I told my friends about it but I am too scared to tell my family as they will shout at me. I don’t know what to do…
Thank you for sharing your troubling situation with me. Your safety is a priority to your parents. You need to inform them about this boy who is following you before there is any untoward incident that can take place. Parents scold children out of care and concern and sometimes just out of the stress they face. They are humans too and are constantly doing the best they can to provide for you and to keep you happy, comfortable and safe. You have done nothing wrong in this situation, so you have nothing to be scared about.
The boy’s behaviours appear to be escalating, so it’s best that you act fast and tell your family about it so that this matter can be collectively resolved.
Also, stay equipped with safety measures such as pepper spray or anything you can defend yourself with. Should you feel unsafe or scared at any time, remember that you can always call your parents to pick you, avoid lonely roads and stay where the crowd is. Scream, hit, kick or bite – do anything and everything you can if faced with danger.
Do keep writing in with any queries you may have at firstname.lastname@example.org
Until next time, remember your worth. Be kind to yourself and others. Take care.
(The columnist is psychologist and counsellor, currently working as a school counsellor.)