I’m often scared to talk on the microphone at college. Even when I was at school, I would hesitate and try my best to avoid being selected for different events that needed me to use the mike. I feel really nervous and can feel my hands and legs trembling when I have to speak on the mike. Sometimes it makes me so angry because I miss out on opportunities because of this fear. How can I overcome this? I hate feeling this way.
Thank you for your email and for sharing your situation with me. The realisation of your need to overcome your fear is the first step towards success. Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will. Missing out on opportunities is bound to bring about feelings of anger. Keep in mind that you are only confined by the walls you build for yourself. Have you ever thought about what scares you the most – is it that you’ll make a mistake or that people will laugh or ridicule you for doing so? If so, then remember that you are only human, so by default, you are not meant to be perfect. Either way, nothing beats the feeling of having tried. Facing your fears will only increase your confidence. Fear is a temporary state of mind; regret lasts forever. Be brave. Tell yourself that you can do this and praise yourself of having the courage to try. Being brave isn’t the absence of fear. Being brave is having that fear but finding a way through it. Remember that fear has two meanings – forget everything and run or face everything and rise, the choice is yours. Challenge yourself constantly else you will never know your potential and what you are capable of. Challenges make life interesting and ensure that we are constantly growing. Ignore what others think and push yourself to be better every day. Great things never came from comfort zones. Good luck.
My friend is in love with a boy who doesn’t practise the same religion as her. He lost his parents, has no house of his own, is not educated and does not seem to have any proof of identity. He is also two years younger than my friend. Something doesn’t feel right about their relationship and I don’t know if my friend senses my feelings. Can you give me any suggestions or advice on whether they should leave each other or look forward to their future together?
Thank you for writing in and discussing your friend’s situation with me. It does seem fishy that your friend’s boyfriend has no identity. Has she ever asked about this? She should be a little careful with whom she decides to trust. Relationships take effort, patience and perseverance. There is no fixed formula to ensure if it will work or how long it will last. Not sure if your friend is a peer or older than you but she has a lot of thinking to do and many aspects to consider. Gone are the days when love was enough to make a relationship work. In today’s fast paced, challenging and stressful world, there are so many aspects to consider when getting into a relationship, especially if you plan to make it a long term one. While religion seems to be a concern to you, what is also important to focus on is how he manages to make a living. If he isn’t educated and has little family support, does he at least have a stable and well paying job? This is vital as financial income is one of the reasons why many relationships hit a rough patch. Instead of advising your friend about the course her relationship should take, you could probably talk to her about your fears and help her identify the favourable and unfavourable consequences of choosing to get into a relationship like this. Eventually, the decision has to be hers. Hope she chooses wisely and carefully. All the best.
Life is 10 per cent what happens to you and 90 per cent how you respond to it. Be grateful and give back. Forgive and move on. Actively pursue your dreams. Make a change. Finish what you start. Live wisely. Show respect and be kind.
Do keep writing in with any queries you may have at firstname.lastname@example.org
Until next time, keep challenging yourself!
(The columnist is psychologist and counsellor, currently working as a school counsellor.)